Learning from My Mistakes
As I wrote in my previous blog entry, my life has not been totally smoke free. However, I have managed to pick up the pieces, and figured out what went wrong. This blog entry is written to remind me, what will most likely happen again, if I forget the lessons, which I have learned from my mistakes. Naturally, I am also hoping that this will prevent someone else to make the same mistakes I did.
So, where did I go wrong?
- I forgot that there is no such thing than a just a one cigarette. At some point I started to believe that I would be able to become a casual smoker. I had an illusion that I could enjoy an occasional cigarette, and continue my normal life as a nonsmoker. Basically, I was trying to get the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, this approach has a couple of problems: First, I was not able to enjoy an occasional cigarette, because of the awful taste of cigarettes. Second, my internal addict got a new fix of Nicotine, and it started tormenting me again.
- I forgot that I am not the one making a sacrifice. I am ashamed to admit it, but I envied smokers. For some reason I had started to believe that my life would be missing something, if I wouldn’t be able to smoke. I had forgot that stopping smoking was my own choice. I was not forced to do it. Also, when I was still smoking, I was always hoping that I would have the willpower to quit. I am not the one, who is making a sacrifice. Actually, I should be pitying smokers, because instead of reclaiming their freedom, they choose to live as slaves.
- I forgot my reasons for stopping smoking. Before I decided to quit smoking, smoking was controlling every aspect of my life. I had forgotten, what it felt like to be a slave of a cigarette pack. Stopping smoking brought so many positive aspects in to my life that my motivation to stay as a nonsmoker decreased. I know that this sounds absurd, but I kind of forgot that my life changed for better, because I decided to stop smoking. At the same time I gradually forgot, how my life was like when I was still smoking. Smoking just a single cigarette did not feel like a big deal to me. Oh boy, I was so wrong.
- I forgot that I am a drug addict. I would not advise a person, who is addicted to a heroin, to try one’s luck by using it only one more time. How did I persuade myself to smoke that famous cigarette? The answer is obvious: I forgot that I am drug addict. I forgot it, because I am not especially proud of it. It is much more easier to refer smoking as a bad habit than a drug addiction. Nevertheless, the truth is that smoking is an addiction. Admitting it is an essential part of the healing process. Remembering it makes it easier to stay as a nonsmoker.
After telling you what went wrong, I feel that it is only fair to be totally honest with you. Today is my fifth day without smoking. It means that my new life as a nonsmoker started at Sunday, 28th of November, 2010.
P.s. If you are interested of a more interactive way of following my progress, you can start following me at Twitter.
